"
I meet you four times in my life.
The first time I see you,
you’re just a girl.
A crush. An affection that
I held far too long to be
considered healthy.
With wide-eyed admiration,
I was witness to your success
in-class and out. Yours was a
mind made of lime and marble,
impenetrable from the outside
world. Outwitting the other boys
in class must have been a hobby
for you. I never imagined you
would know how I really felt.
I couldn’t bare to lose
the candid photographs,
the debates over chemistry and physics,
or the pointless questions
for erasers and pens.
I didn’t want to afford a risk
that you didn’t need.
The second time I see you,
you’re in trouble.
It’s the first time you see me:
all of me, and I was scared shitless.
But we spent one sunny afternoon
memorizing each other to sense-memory
to the point that I knew where the curve
of your neck met that wonderful face of yours
and I could spend days counting the geography
of your golden blonde hair
and lose count at a thousand
and start over again.
I never knew there would be
a time that I would miss
these small moments so much.
I never knew that
I was in trouble too.
The third time I see you,
you’re my path.
You were endless roads
countless possibilities,
a future that I could hope for.
My first love that sent
electricity coursing
through my blood
and made me learn
what it meant to say,
“she makes me want to be
better than I am.”
I showed you my world
the one that saw all the hues of the city,
and bathed in the glow
of street-lights and tv screens.
The first girl that cleaned up my blood
and told me, "be careful next time.”
before I stumbled back in
with new wounds, and a dopey grin.
You were an outstretched hand
that I took too eagerly.
The fourth time I see you,
you’re a promise
that I should have kept.
A tragedy that left me
cradling your head
in the dead silence of night.
You gave me three words
and all I gave in return
was your life cut short.
A short-lived tragedy
that still has no ending.
And there are things now
that you would never know:
that I pinched myself
for five months
and prayed to god
that I would wake up;
that I spent sleepless nights
trying to purge you from my system
and messaged a ghost number
over and over again,
reminding myself
that your memory
is a haunting reminder
that the heart is a fragile thing;
and so is the head.
I wish I could have protected you.
I wish I could have saved you.
I wish I could have kiss you until
your chest grew warm and
the air returned to your lungs.
Four times was all I had with you.
Four times in my life I met you,
and four is hardly enough
for someone as amazing as you.
– God grant me a fifth. (written by amazingarachnid)
5 years ago with 4 notes
#[ path ; ] #[ rp: drabble ] #//HI I'M BACK #//this was actually an old ask but i'm bringing it back